Pet Updates – themillennialboomer

Navigating Grief: Lessons from Loss and Healing

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

I have been reflecting on the past year and decided to log my findings.

Big life events that happened:

Husband hospitalized in April
Moved parents to senior living in May.
Husband died in June unexpectedly during a medical test while I was at work.
Life stopped and changed course in a day, without notice.

Prior to June 5,2024, life was difficult, but normal. It was difficult because we were trying to work, pay bills, and settle my parents while his health was declining. He had been diagnosed with COPD two years prior. We knew he was sick. He was on many medications and oxygen at night. Even so, he continued to go to work every day and give it his all. He declined all urgings to stop smoking. He went to the doctor reluctantly and never soon enough. He was stubborn, so I mistook his behavior for rebellion or defiance or something I was never quite sure of.

In truth, my husband was addicted to tobacco and was never able to quit it for long. Though he went to work and looked normal, his cognition was declining due to lack of oxygen. All the meds kept him in a “normal range”, but took a toll on his heart and breathing was not easy. I have learned that it is common with COPD to become depressed. So, he went to the hospital for testing and told me not to come in because we could talk about it later. He died while I was working and during a medical test where they discovered he had very extensive and late-stage cancer in both lungs. I think he knew what they were looking for and didn’t want to tell me on the phone but planned to tell me when I came in to see him after the test.

I celebrated our 43rd anniversary alone the next day. We planned the funeral and went through all the steps of closure: visitation, funeral, thank you cards, gravestone, paperwork. Many things I don’t remember, but many things I do. Most memorable are the people who came to support me in my grief. I know that this outpouring of love and care for both of us was pivotal in my ability to get through the hardest days of my life.

Goodbye to these things from 2024.

Regret and guilt for things left undone and unsaid along with other things said and done.
Worry about appearances and what others may think.
Withholding honest communication when there is something to be gained in speaking it.

Hello to 2025 and new behaviors.

Taking time for me first.
Making work/life balance a priority and not just a good idea.
Reaching out to others when I need help, and when they do too.
Appreciating every blessing every day and living with joy and thankfulness.

The First Thanksgiving

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

Six months since I lost my husband. Six months of learning to do everything on my own. Paying the bills, yard work, pool care, dog duty, cat care, solo events, morning coffee, evening shows, bedtime. Washing windows, furnace upkeep, sump pump, dehumidifier, car maintenance, grocery shopping, sidewalk shoveling, clearing the driveway, church. And now a big holiday.

We have hosted Thanksgiving for most of the last twenty years. We work well together and are able to accommodate many people in our small house because of love and organization. Today is no different. It is still our house. It is organized. It is full of love. But it is missing my love. My partner. My Bou. We are now me. I am me and you are memory.

That is what loss is really about. It is hyper focus on self and situation. The loss is felt daily in the practical activities that are now left undone by the missing one. The feelings of loss come with the reality of doing things alone, depending on oneself and then allowing others to help. Asking for help and paying for services that used to come free from the one you trusted.

Letting go of what you thought would happen and what used to happen and what could have happened becomes a daily exercise in choices. You can choose anxiety, anger and fear, or you can choose peace, calm and acceptance.

I choose peace, knowing that he is okay, and I am okay. I choose calm, knowing that I am not alone, leaning on family, friends and kind strangers who want to help. I choose acceptance, knowing that I can move forward and embrace new ways of being in the world.

I am letting go and letting it be. I do not need to know what is next to enjoy what is now.

Happy Thanksgiving – enjoy your blessings!

Quarterly Milestone

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

My husband died three months ago. 4th of July came and went and now it is Labor Day. Another milestone we used to count the seasons. It is my milestone now. Such an odd feeling. Everything is the same, but my whole world is different.

I find something to love each day, many blessings remain. Still, I feel so much loss for all the things that could’ve been and should’ve been. As summer moves to fall, the garden has grown, and produce is bountiful. I take pride in the harvest and think about freezing it for the winter. The same tradition with a different outcome.

I have everything I need. But I miss the simple things we used to share. Someone to wake up with and enjoy coffee in the morning. Someone to chat with about anything that was happening. Someone who recalls my past and is planning for the same future.

As I prepare to see family tomorrow, the house looks the same, the menu is familiar. I am excited to see everyone and catch up on what we’ve all been doing. But now I do all the preparation alone. I wish he was here to help me and to enjoy our home and share hospitality.

I miss my husband; he was my partner and very best friend. I miss knowing what was going to come next. I had to shut the door on “You and Me”, but I’m leaving it open a little bit to let the memories flow through as I step toward my own tomorrow.

Feral Cats – What Should We Do? By Sheri LeClair Banitt

I am a Customer Operations Manager by day, and a Crazy Cat Lady in my off time. I live in a modest house, in a small town, close to the river. We have songbirds, eagles, rabbits, weasels, groundhogs, deer, coyotes, opossums, and cats. We live in harmony with the city-limits wildlife and they cause us no harm.

Though I have been feeding the feral cats for years, we recently ended the spring kitten explosion. Two years ago, a local rescue helped me trap, vaccinate, spay and release the 6 females in my colony. Since then, we still see four of the ‘Old Maids’ and have lost track of two of them. They come and go and we continue to feed them. They are healthy and tame enough for petting.

This morning, I had to confront the feral cat problem that I don’t see anymore. As I was dressed for work and in a hurry to lead an important meeting, I stopped out to feed the cats. There, in front of The Halfway House was a small tiger cat laying on the ground. It looked dead. On closer inspection it was a small, intact male who was emaciated and missing a leg. He was breathing. He was in very bad condition and suffering. I figured he could not survive and at 6:00 am I didn’t have many options to help him.

Fortunately, my cat rescue contact came thru and helped this guy out of his misery. She called for help and a very kind police officer picked him up and brought him to the local vet where he was humanely euthanized. I paid the bill and talked with the vet. The missing leg was healed over, so this cat had been living with an injury for a while. He was very sick with liver and kidney issues. He was starving and dehydrated. It takes a long time for an animal to get into this condition and they feel pain and suffering just as we do.

For 20 years I captured kittens and rehomed them. One year I trapped, neutered, and released (TNR) six female feral cats. For two years after that, there were no kittens. I know that TNR works. I know the cats are there whether we feed them or not. If we do feed them, they leave the songbirds alone and are less likely to carry disease.

Please spay and neuter your pet cats. Vaccinate them, and keep them indoors. If you notice feral cats around your property, call a local rescue to help get them TNR so they stop having kittens and we can decrease the feral cat population. Consider donating to local rescues so they can continue this work that benefits all of us.

New Lesson, Same Lesson by Sheri LeClair Banitt

Ping, keeping it real with Snuggle Puppy and Bumble.

I relearned a lesson in patience and joy today. My teacher was my little dog, Ping. He is five years old. I got him as a puppy to keep my old dog, Olan company while I commuted to work and was gone ten hours daily.

I had been working from home since the covid shutdown in March 2020. So, when she died, I was still home with Ping daily. Then, in 2022, it was time to return to the office. I go in now two days weekly, or whenever it makes sense for me to be there in person.

For the first time, Ping had to face being home alone; without me and without Olan. It really stressed him out, which in turn, stressed me out. I got him a heated Snuggle puppy with a heartbeat and that helps. He is also very attached to his Abominable Snowman, (Bumble) toy. They get him through the day.

When I work from home, we take a one mile walk every day. When I go to the office, we don’t. Now that it is winter in Minnesota, the weather is not always good for walking. I am afraid of falling, and I don’t really like the wind chills below zero.

Today I bundled up and headed out with Ping for our walk. It was four below zero and there was sand and salt on the path. After a block, he just stopped and held his feet up. They hurt, and he could not go on. I picked him up and headed home, grumbling about the cold, about him being needy, about me being so nice to him, but unappreciated.

With snow and blizzard conditions looming for the next several days, I decided to try again. This time, I put on his jacket and four little boots. Then I re-bundled in my boots, hat, scarf, long coat and mittens and headed out. The whole preparation took 10 minutes before we even started, and I expected him to balk at the boots.

Once outside, my little guy burst into a full out gallop. Ignoring the clunky boots and jacket, he began hopping like a rabbit on the same cold, sandy, chemical laden path he could not handle before. The sun was shining, the wind was cold, I was bundled up like a mummy, and just running with my dog.

We can prepare for difficulties to make them easier to withstand. We can take our time, plan for the worst and then take a chance. And when the unexpected happens, we can embrace the joy and just run with it!

When Harri Went Missing by Sheri LeClair Banitt

I’ve taken a long hiatus from the blog, because I have struggled with the many changes Covid 19 has brought to the world and to my life. Now, the loss of my dear cat, Harri, has pulled me out of my apathy to tell her story.

I have been feeding a local cat colony for many years. Each spring the mommas have kittens. We catch the kittens and find them homes before the mommas carry them off to the wild. Three years ago, a little orange kitten was caught. We fell in love with him right away. He was a rascally ginger, and we named him Harry after another rascally ginger across the pond. He fit into our family with ease, managing to capture the hearts of my husband and I, along with our other cats and dogs. He became our house cat extraordinaire and chief entertainer.

When Harry was old enough, we took him to the vet for his neutering surgery. They called me before the procedure to inform me that Harry was not a male cat, he was a female. She already loved her name, so we kept it. And that is how Harry became Harri.

For three years Harri snuggled, loved, and entertained us. From the beginning of the Covid 19 pandemic quarantine and working from home, she was always in my lap or very close by. She helped me cope with the changes and stresses surrounding the pandemic including the isolation and sometimes boredom of spending my days home alone.

On Christmas Eve 2021, we were excited to have our family over to celebrate as we had missed so many holiday celebrations in 2020. In the excitement and activity of fifteen guests and dinner on the stove, somehow Harri went missing. Our cats are fed by our back door and they often hang out there at mealtime. We think an unsuspecting guest opened the door for a breath of fresh air and she slipped out.

I was not aware that Harri was missing until late in the day and looking back to the last time we had seen her, six or seven hours had gone by. It is very bad for a housecat with no outdoor skills and no acclimation to the weather to be out on a winter day in Minnesota. We looked for her and called but there was no trace of her. The next days were cold, windy, snowy, and below zero. It is hard to imagine she could survive. Nonetheless, I posted her missing information on all the local sites I could think of.

It is now thirty days later and Harri has not been found. I miss her greatly each day. And I have learned, again, that I am not in control. Some things just happen because we don’t expect or prepare for them. Cats will run out the door without considering the consequences. A hostess in the middle of a gathering does not have the cat whereabouts on the top of mind. Cats are animals, and Harri did have a full belly, long fur coat and claws intact when she slipped outside. There is a chance she found a warm place to hunker down or perhaps a kindly person took her in.

People have reacted to my search for Harri with compassion and kindness that I have not experienced in a long time. Folks who might disagree on politics and public health policy are uniting with me to search for Harri. So many are praying for her safe return to me and looking for her with me. There have been four false alarms. Either the cat was spotted and not captured, or the captured cat was a male and not Harri.

I know there is much suffering in the world and many human tragedies that put a missing cat into a different perspective. I don’t know if Harri will ever come home. I hope she does as I truly miss her companionship. If she doesn’t, I will be sad and regretful that I was not more attentive to her on that day. I will also remember how my loss inspired many covid weary and politically suspicious people to put aside their differences and personal hardships to help a heartbroken woman search for her beloved pet. This is humanity.

HR Regulations Have Improved the Work Application Process by Sheri LeClair Banitt

I work for a financial services company, supervising a customer operations team. I hire for entry level, customer service positions and frequently get first time job seekers who are straight out of college, and displaced older workers, looking for a fresh start.

I have two specialists on my team who interview with me. We have a standard set of questions designed to help us find people who will be able to do the work in our area. Our job is to find qualified, capable individuals and then give them the tools they need to succeed.

Looking through the box of ‘Old Papers From the Office’ that my grandfather had saved gave me a new perspective on why we do what we do today. He is no longer living, but I knew my grandpa to be a fair, honest, caring person. His job was important to him and I recall that he was a lifelong learner and continued to find new practices that helped the workers he represented. Watch to see how far we have advanced in privacy practices since his day.

Christmas at Home, in the Office by Sheri LeClair Banitt

We live in world with many different religions, holidays and traditions. But I am a boomer and I believe in Christmas. Some of my earliest memories are going through the Sears, JC Penney, and Wards Christmas catalogs and circling the toys I wanted Santa to bring. For weeks, my siblings and I perused the catalogs with no thought or reason given to price or quantity, we just circled what we wanted and hoped for the best.

We had a big family dinner on Christmas Eve, alternating between my Grandmother’s house and her sister’s house. It was fun to see the cousins and have a big dinner. But the main attraction for the kids, were the presents under the tree. One of the grown-up men would ‘play Santa’ and pass out the presents that were from grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Everyone got something and there was lots of laughter and fun. When the last present was opened long into the evening, we all headed home to our own houses to wait for Santa to come overnight.

We didn’t have a fireplace, so our stockings hung from the hall doorway. In the early morning, or the night when we woke up, our stocking would be at the foot of our bed. It was filled with candy, an orange, and peanuts in the shell. Our gift from Santa would be there as well. Sometimes we were sure we had heard or seen Santa in the night. It was always a thrill to go from bed to bed to see what our siblings got and to compare our treats. Later, Grandma and Grandpa would come over to see what Santa brought.

There was church too. Sunday school, programs, choir and worship. I appreciate those memories now as an adult. But the kid in me then, and now remembers the thrill of decorating the Christmas tree and the anticipation of ripping the paper and bows off the packages to see what was inside.

It is no surprise then, that I recreated these traditions with my own children. We had most of the same traditions, just new kids and fewer old ones. They were excited but maybe not as much as my generation. Because my generation did not get presents and parties and new clothes and toys for no reason. We got presents for birthdays and Christmas only. New clothes and shoes for back to school, Christmas and Easter only. We had fewer material possessions and spent more time outdoors. New toys and new clothes were a big deal, not just a passing thrill on payday.

Like many boomers, I carry the excitement of Christmas with me today. I go all in the day after Thanksgiving until after New Year’s Day. I have 22 hours of Christmas music in my library, and I’m always adding to it.

I bought my first Christmas Sweater in the late 1980’s. I went to Donaldson’s in St. Paul and bought 3 matching sweater vests; one for me, and one for each of my daughters. We couldn’t afford them, but I needed them. We were adorable that year in our matching vests and long blonde hair with big bangs. That was the beginning of a long run of Christmas sweaters; so common, I don’t even have pictures of them.

I wish I had known they would come back into fashion in the ugly sweater craze. They’re not ugly to me. I love the sweaters with snowmen, Santas, wreaths, bells, reindeer, trees, cookies, stockings and presents. I have spent the last several years collecting some beauties and have always looked forward to wearing them in the office at Christmas along with my very cheerful holiday jewelry and socks.

Now in 2020, I am working from home, by myself, at my desk in the family room. It’s just me and my furry coworkers at the office. But I still need the excitement of the Christmas season. I still need the lights and music and sweaters and jewelry and socks. So I get dressed each morning, ready for the office in my ugly sweater, jingle bell earrings, ornament pin and Santa socks. And I head downstairs to the office.

I stop along the way to have a cup of coffee with my dear one before he heads out to work; he is an essential worker and still goes to work each day. Then I log in to my computer and get started with my day. I hope to be in the actual office next year where I can show off my Christmas outfits. Until then, there is Zoom. Let me know if you’d like to meet for coffee.

Rona – Working from Home by Sheri LeClair Banitt

While many are out of work due to ‘The Rona’, (coronavirus-19) I am able to work from home. I am very grateful for this opportunity for several reasons:

I am not in close proximity to my 3,200 co-workers in the high rise so I have less chance of getting covid. Bonus-I am away from all the cold and flu germs too.
There is no work stoppage for my employer who provides important service to our customers.
I continue to receive a paycheck.
I no longer have a 45 minute commute one way to work.
I can avoid the office distractions.
I can wear comfy clothes, though I get up every day at 5:00 am and get dressed as usual.
I can go for walks outside in my own community on breaks and over lunch.
I have more energy without the commute and distractions, so I am more productive than ever.
I am more relaxed at home and sleeping well.
I am spending more time in my own space, making my own healthy food and enjoying my pets. I am living in the life I created for myself, instead of only wishing I could be there.

Daisy and Jill by Sheri LeClair Banitt

Daisy’s surprise puppy; watch Jill grow into Doghood.