Navigating Grief: Lessons from Loss and Healing

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

I have been reflecting on the past year and decided to log my findings.

Big life events that happened:

1. Husband hospitalized in April
2. Moved parents to senior living in May.
3. Husband died in June unexpectedly during a medical test while I was at work.
4. Life stopped and changed course in a day, without notice.

Prior to June 5,2024, life was difficult, but normal. It was difficult because we were trying to work, pay bills, and settle my parents while his health was declining. He had been diagnosed with COPD two years prior. We knew he was sick. He was on many medications and oxygen at night. Even so, he continued to go to work every day and give it his all. He declined all urgings to stop smoking. He went to the doctor reluctantly and never soon enough. He was stubborn, so I mistook his behavior for rebellion or defiance or something I was never quite sure of.

In truth, my husband was addicted to tobacco and was never able to quit it for long. Though he went to work and looked normal, his cognition was declining due to lack of oxygen. All the meds kept him in a “normal range”, but took a toll on his heart and breathing was not easy. I have learned that it is common with COPD to become depressed. So, he went to the hospital for testing and told me not to come in because we could talk about it later. He died while I was working and during a medical test where they discovered he had very extensive and late-stage cancer in both lungs. I think he knew what they were looking for and didn’t want to tell me on the phone but planned to tell me when I came in to see him after the test.

I celebrated our 43rd anniversary alone the next day. We planned the funeral and went through all the steps of closure: visitation, funeral, thank you cards, gravestone, paperwork. Many things I don’t remember, but many things I do. Most memorable are the people who came to support me in my grief. I know that this outpouring of love and care for both of us was pivotal in my ability to get through the hardest days of my life.

Goodbye to these things from 2024.

1. Regret and guilt for things left undone and unsaid along with other things said and done.
2. Worry about appearances and what others may think.
3. Withholding honest communication when there is something to be gained in speaking it.

Hello to 2025 and new behaviors.

1. Taking time for me first.
2. Making work/life balance a priority and not just a good idea.
3. Reaching out to others when I need help, and when they do too.
4. Appreciating every blessing every day and living with joy and thankfulness.

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