By Sheri LeClair Banitt
We were married on June 6, 1981. I was 18, he was 22.
He died on June 5, 2024. I was 61, he was 65. 43 years passed since our wedding day, but I celebrated our anniversary alone.
We lived our marriage vows and stayed together until death parted us. I am thankful for the years and the tears and the love and the anguish that comes with a lifetime commitment. Every day was real and impactful, and our lives were intertwined. We raised two children and handled many life challenges, including the loss of our dairy farm in the 1980s and loss of jobs in 2008 and 2009. Through time and experience, we became one.
A three-year courtship and 43-year marriage cannot be mourned quickly, so I am back at work and trying to get into a new routine. We shared most of the household chores and finances but kept some things for him to do, and others for me. I am learning simple things that I never had to know before, like how to set up the sump pump. As I conquer each new thing, my impulse is to show him, or tell him what I have done. But he is gone, so I cry and smile and know that I did his thing on my own.
We have many pets who are looking for their favorite man. They can see his truck parked outside and wonder when he will come through the door. They wonder when he will make their dinner and take them outside. They look for him at bedtime and wonder why he isn’t there to say goodnight.
With all the loss, the hardest part for me is the change in Forever. I have no concept now of what my next days and years will be where I was so sure before. I need a new Forever and I have to find it on my own.
Beautiful sharing of your life with Jeff.
No, mourning cannot be rushed and will likely come in waves.
I cannot imagine the aloneness and the lostness you must feel. Only somebody who has experienced what you have could possibly know how it feels. As you attempt to re-create your future, please know that God is very close to the brokenhearted. He can give you a peace that cannot be found anywhere else.
I just read this, tears in my eyes for you and really teared up when you mentioned the pets. My live, hugs, and peace to you!