Month: May 2026

Goodbye Gas Grill

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

We didn’t get a grill until we bought our first house. It was a charcoal grill, and he was always in charge of it.

After the kids were grown and we had more money, he got a fancy gas grill. I was the indoor chef for most of the year, and he was the Grill Master from May through October. He had a few different grills, but they always sat in the same spot on the patio. We covered it over winter and opened it back up in the spring.

4th of July was aways the big family kickoff of grilling season. But sometimes we had Mother’s Day, Memorial Day and then Father’s Day cookouts on the grill with burgers, hot dogs, steaks and all the sides. Men have been “manning” the grills all of my life, beginning with my grandpa, then my dad, then my husband.

Since my husband passed, I have asked my son in law to do the grilling at my house. Two years have gone by now, and I have been looking at that gas grill and thinking I should learn how to use it. I tried a few times, but lighting the grill intimidates me. So, I put the grill and the propane tank out on the curb with a sign that read, FREE-It Works. It was taken quickly. I will miss seeing that grill on the patio and I sure miss seeing him grilling.

Today, I changed the tradition. The gas grill is gone. In its place is a charcoal grill that I can easily manage. Going forward I will be “womaning” the grill at my house. My son in law can relax, have a drink, and “man” the grill at his own house.

Moving on in grief is hard, but it feels good to let go of things that don’t work anymore.

The memories hold the joy.

Reset Day at the Gym

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

I hurt my back the end of March and stopped going to the gym while I recovered. After a trip to the doctor, consulting with a physical therapist and ongoing adjustments with a chiropractor, I am strong enough to get back to the gym. I was worried about the conditioning I might have lost after all the weeks of inactivity. I didn’t need to worry. My body remembered me. In fact, my body has been trying to love me for a long time, and my mind has been quarreling about it.

Somewhere along the way, my mind and body stopped working together in harmony and love. I’m not sure the exact moment or the exact thing that tipped the scale, but a few life transitions made it possible; loss of a spouse, loss of a career, smaller social circle, financial decisions, exhaustion and self-doubt.

Today, I became my own advocate and cheerleader as I headed to the gym and did my first workout in many weeks. My workout was fresh and new and my expectations were different. Though I was tempted to take up where I left off, I know that my needs are not what I thought they were many months ago when I began my fitness journey.

Though I am very driven to achieve more and do better, I realize that at this time in my life more and better are softer, slower and deeper than just “running the race”. My workouts now will be at a pre-determined baseline that I can achieve on good days and bad days. I will add to the baseline as I go to ensure I can do a minimum workout each day – and I will add in pre-determined increments on the good days. I think this will help me stay active and avoid the pressure of the perfection trap. That is when I try to do more than I am ready for and rather than finding inspiration, I find the childhood voice that says, “You can’t do this, it’s not worth trying”.

My workout today, was 40 minutes of successful movement. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t too hard. I started with arm strength training and squats holding weight and progressed to the yoga mat where I did core stretching and exercise for 20 minutes with a guided app from my physical therapy provider. I finished the workout on the treadmill with fast walking for ten minutes.

So, I’m back in the saddle and looking forward to many more days of joyful movement. I love that spring is quickly moving into summer and I can spend time outside and in the pool. I’m going to trust my own plan and measure success when I have balance between nutrition, movement, sleep, socializing, and stress management.

Life Lessons in Grief

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

Surprise endings are hard to manage. I have learned a few life lessons in a short period of time; not by choice but by chance, or fate, or maybe God’s will.

I have always known I am flexible, resilient and persistent. Now I have the proof. When my husband died unexpectedly during a medical procedure, I was left scrambling to hold on to my faith, my sense of safety and some kind of vision for the future. To anyone who is going through a hard time, my advice is to just lean in, feel it, and let it be. You will be different at the end of your journey and with more wisdom to share than you ever imagined.

2 years into my grief journey, I can add these to my resume:

1. Ability to survive husband’s unexpected death.

2. Learned to operate sump pump, pool pump, pressure washer, hedge trimmer, snow blower, electric drill, and change a leaking pipe under the sink.

3. Cared for 3 dogs and 4 cats on a 5am/5pm schedule while managing work and grief. Includes cat leg amputation and subsequent cat kidney failure death.

4. Managed finances, taxes and bathroom remodel with a loss of income.

5. 30-day prep for retirement.

6. New bathroom construction over the winter months.

7. Sold a truck and a car and purchased a new vehicle.

Today I am in my pajamas nursing a nasty head cold. This comes on the heels of a back injury that has changed my schedule for the last 6 weeks. I realize that my body is telling me what my heart has not been able to.

I miss my Bou. He’s been gone almost two years and tomorrow would be his 67th birthday. I was there to celebrate 47 of his birthdays and I really miss those days. He was a quiet, humble guy and never wanted much fuss made over him. But he loved his birthday dinner with cake and tequila shots!

I have made so much progress as I navigate life alone. But I have been pushing to keep all things the same while also doing new things and trying to stretch and grow. All the pressure I have put on myself to just be strong and keep going has left me with a cold and a backache. Keeping all things the same is not the same as it was when I had a full partner helping me with everything. It is time for me to let go once again and just be open for whatever comes next.

I am exhausted with decision fatigue. Managing the finances, the home improvements and buying a new vehicle are normal life pursuits, but it does hit differently when you are making the decisions without the input of your second half. I miss my husband and everything he brought into my life. I miss being loved and sharing all the experiences. Making room for emotions is not extra, it is the lifeline to good health and happiness.

So, I’m going to feel my feelings big and loud this week. I will likely shed some tears and have a couple of giggles thinking about other birthdays. Instead of spending all my time worrying if I am eating enough protein, working out enough, reaching out to friends and family, doing enough volunteer work and keeping busy, I will spend some time resting and thinking and making space for things that don’t even exist today.

Once again, grief is teaching me to adjust my expectations, to be more present and less focused on productivity. If you ask me how I’m doing, I will tell you that I am doing well; and I really am. But doing well in the midst of grief includes all the messy emotions and hard days as you learn to let go of a lifetime of love.