Exercise to Overcome Grief

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

Most of the cliches I have heard about grief and grieving are true. Some are misleading and some are just disappointing. Like, “Time heals all wounds”. That is not what we want to hear when we are hurting; we want healing now. The closest thing I have found to instant healing is exercise.

I lost my husband of 43 years in June of 2024. That October I joined our local Snap Fitness gym and signed up with a personal trainer. I was grasping for something to keep my mind off my loss and improve my health. I did two, one-hour sessions each week. Those first weeks were difficult. I had been sedentary and worked at a desk for 30 years, so I had to relearn how to move and use my body. https://www.snapfitness.com/us

In the beginning, I was sore and tired and not always able to do what I wanted. That is where it was good to have a trainer. He never got discouraged, never criticized and never lost faith that I could do it. I remember doing strength work on the machines and looking at the illustrations showing the muscle groups that would be activated. I was not feeling it in those target groups because I was tense, confused and not breathing deeply. Often, I felt strain in my neck or gritted my teeth. Nonetheless, at the end of every session, I felt good, even when I was bone tired. I would walk out feeling accomplished and a little less focused on my loss.

After a couple months of working out, I joined a wonderful group called GriefShare that was led by people in my local community who have also experienced the loss of a loved one. It was helpful to meet with others, talk about our experiences, learn what to expect, and what is normal as we move through the grief journey. https://www.griefshare.org/

Over the next year, I continued to learn about my grief and work out a couple times weekly. I began to notice I had better balance and more strength when doing yard chores and household work. That was much appreciated as a new widow learning to manage many things my husband used to do. Each time a I had to try something new, I had the courage to start. I don’t think I would have felt that confidence without the body work I was doing. While I still have work to do, and want to get to a healthier weight, I have already lost 12 pounds without changing my diet and dropped a size. After losing a loved one, life can feel scary and unpredictable. Doing the exercise gave me a sense of control, at least for that time in the gym.

Recently, I was feeling so good, that I signed up for an 8-week group workout challenge. Oof. It was a challenge. I learned stretching, cardio, and deadlifting. I began to stretch and strengthen my neck, back and shoulders by doing some back lifting. At first, I could not even do the exercises because my brain lacked the sequencing needed to match the movement. It was so great when one of my workout buddies told me, ” I cried sometimes when I could not do this a year ago. But now I feel very comfortable and can do all the Pilates and I’m getting stronger”. I had to do some of the lifts with just the bar and no weight until I could do the movement with the correct form. I made slow progress, but I left each session feeling happy, tired, sore, and in control.

Life has continued to surprise me with challenges. A change at work prompted me to retire in August. The day after my retirement celebration, my mom fell at home and broke her wrist and hip. That was the beginning of two months of rehab for her and me caring for my dad while he was on his own at the senior living community where they live. While I craved a consistent schedule to mimic the work hours I was used to, I could not do that because I was needed to help at odd hours. But I could still exercise, because Snap Fitness is open 24/7. My workout routine was not as often as I wanted it to be and sometimes not as intense as I intended, but I kept doing it. I love walking into the gym and seeing familiar fixtures and faces. I have made new friends at a time when I needed connection. In working through grief, loss, life and exercise, I have found that sometimes the steps are smaller and the progress slower than you wish, but the movement forward is what is most important.

I am going to continue to move forward because I am stronger, healthier and ready for the next chapter as I manage big emotions.

P.S. Now I can feel the burn in all the right muscle groups, and I have added weights as well as gained more flexibility.

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