By Sheri LeClair Banitt
Six months since I lost my husband. Six months of learning to do everything on my own. Paying the bills, yard work, pool care, dog duty, cat care, solo events, morning coffee, evening shows, bedtime. Washing windows, furnace upkeep, sump pump, dehumidifier, car maintenance, grocery shopping, sidewalk shoveling, clearing the driveway, church. And now a big holiday.
We have hosted Thanksgiving for most of the last twenty years. We work well together and are able to accommodate many people in our small house because of love and organization. Today is no different. It is still our house. It is organized. It is full of love. But it is missing my love. My partner. My Bou. We are now me. I am me and you are memory.
That is what loss is really about. It is hyper focus on self and situation. The loss is felt daily in the practical activities that are now left undone by the missing one. The feelings of loss come with the reality of doing things alone, depending on oneself and then allowing others to help. Asking for help and paying for services that used to come free from the one you trusted.
Letting go of what you thought would happen and what used to happen and what could have happened becomes a daily exercise in choices. You can choose anxiety, anger and fear, or you can choose peace, calm and acceptance.
I choose peace, knowing that he is okay, and I am okay. I choose calm, knowing that I am not alone, leaning on family, friends and kind strangers who want to help. I choose acceptance, knowing that I can move forward and embrace new ways of being in the world.
I am letting go and letting it be. I do not need to know what is next to enjoy what is now.
Happy Thanksgiving – enjoy your blessings!
Beautifully said. I hope you have a wonderful day full of love and memories.
Maria
Well said Sheri. Beautifully written . Happy Thanksgiving.
You have such a gift for sharing. ❤️