Month: July 2024

Know the Passwords

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

Yes, really, you need to know the passwords. There is no way around the paperwork when a spouse dies and you need to change accounts, bills, ownership papers, service agreements, and subscriptions. Some of these will be easier to accomplish than others.

Maybe you have a joint checking account and both names are on the mortgage. But you’re still going to need the passwords to get online and see balances to update things.

For a boomer widow like me, you likely have the utility bills in his name. You need to change them so if you ever have a service issue, you will be able to call for help, and they will be able to speak to you instead of the deceased account owner. It is exhausting to explain your story over and over again to each customer service rep as your work your way through your life’s paperwork.

You should have all the passwords located in a secure place that you and your spouse have access to. You should list all the monthly bills, the website/email addresses and your account numbers. Each of you should understand who pays for what and what to do if that one is ill or passes away.

Knowing the passwords to all of each other’s stuff will make it easier to step in if one of you goes missing. Knowing the passwords means you talked about all the things that make life convenient and comfortable. Knowing the passwords means you trust each other and share the important things.

I am fortunate because I know the passwords. In the most difficult time of my life, I have the key to convenience and comfort. This helps as I work through my fresh grief and begin to walk alone.

Finding Forever 3

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

He has been gone 32 days. I am still in disbelief with smatterings of reality mixed in. I can function, I feel happiness and appreciation for the people and blessings around me. And I feel sadness and loss. I am sad for what could have been, I feel afraid of the loss I feel today and the anticipation of many more losses to come.

We had our first date on July 2, 1978. It was a blind date, and we went to the local fair. Since then, we spent every July 4th together and the last 30 of them were in our current house. A parade goes by, so we have family and friends over to watch it then come back to the house to spend the afternoon eating and visiting. This year, the parade went by, the friends and family came, we spent the afternoon eating and visiting, and I hosted alone. It was good. We all missed him, and we all enjoyed the tradition.

As every widow soon learns, the key to moving forward is to live in the moment. It’s good to visit the past, but you cannot dwell there. Yesterday I went shopping and I bought the crunchy peanut butter and the Raisin Bran. I can see there will be many more “me” things in the future. Those things make me smile because I know how hard we worked to get to the “we” of collaboration over the years. We did it. We worked together when it was our time and it worked. Now it is my time, and I will find a way to make it work.