Month: June 2024

Finding Forever 2

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

The visitation, funeral, burial are done. The thank you cards have been sent. The fresh flowers are gone. I went back to work and now I am thinking deep thoughts.

Jeff was a long-time smoker. He was diagnosed with COPD and emphysema about 18 months ago when he had an exacerbation that landed him in the ICU for 11 days. That was not enough to make him quit smoking.

Looking back, I see that he was in much more serious condition from that time forward. But when living day to day with his stubborn and strong will to be normal, we just didn’t get it. Had I known we were on a timer, I would have done some things differently. But I see that we were saying our goodbyes in all the little ways that a restricting illness presents.

I began doing more and more of the chores and he rested more. He was on oxygen overnight and many other medications. It took all he had to go to work each day. His job was not easy, but he loved working and kept it up to the end.

We stayed home more; we were less active around the house and yard. We sat together and just enjoyed television, or visiting with our kids, or snuggling our dogs and cats. That was love. Forgiving, accepting, constant and true.

As I move forward, I see that I am already used to doing many things on my own. This makes me sad, and I know that one more day or month, or year, or decade would not be enough to satisfy the yearning for more time. We had our forever and it was good. I am sad that he cannot join me in my next forever, but I know we did our best and I have no regrets.

Finding a New Forever

By Sheri LeClair Banitt

We were married on June 6, 1981. I was 18, he was 22.

He died on June 5, 2024. I was 61, he was 65. 43 years passed since our wedding day, but I celebrated our anniversary alone.

We lived our marriage vows and stayed together until death parted us. I am thankful for the years and the tears and the love and the anguish that comes with a lifetime commitment. Every day was real and impactful, and our lives were intertwined. We raised two children and handled many life challenges, including the loss of our dairy farm in the 1980s and loss of jobs in 2008 and 2009. Through time and experience, we became one.

A three-year courtship and 43-year marriage cannot be mourned quickly, so I am back at work and trying to get into a new routine. We shared most of the household chores and finances but kept some things for him to do, and others for me. I am learning simple things that I never had to know before, like how to set up the sump pump. As I conquer each new thing, my impulse is to show him, or tell him what I have done. But he is gone, so I cry and smile and know that I did his thing on my own.

We have many pets who are looking for their favorite man. They can see his truck parked outside and wonder when he will come through the door. They wonder when he will make their dinner and take them outside. They look for him at bedtime and wonder why he isn’t there to say goodnight.

With all the loss, the hardest part for me is the change in Forever. I have no concept now of what my next days and years will be where I was so sure before. I need a new Forever and I have to find it on my own.