By Sheri LeClair Banitt
The only thing constant is change. But then why does it come as a surprise? Recent changes at work demanded I make a decision. I chose peace, I chose calm, I chose me. I will retire after 15 and a half years with my current employer, and over 30 years as a working adult.
I did not want to retire now because I am just starting to heal after my husband died suddenly a year ago. I have always loved working and truly love my current employer and the job I am leaving. I don’t think waiting longer would make the leaving easier, but it may have given me more time to process and consider the upcoming changes.
I have so many great memories of my working life. I have enjoyed all of my jobs, all of the people I worked with and all the hubbub of getting ready, getting there, doing the job, and going home. From the office potlucks to the well wishes after I broke my arm, to working from home during the pandemic, I loved it all. I would not trade a minute of it for anything. I hope I am thought of kindly and that I have made a difference to the ones who made a difference to me.
Now that this chapter is coming to a close, I am left to contemplate the future. Without my husband of 43 years, the celebration rings hollow. He was supposed to be here with me in retirement. We were going to finally relax and travel and just take it easy. Now I am on my own trying to figure out how to be me without him.
With all of the usual challenges of building a life and home and raising kids, we kept it simple. We made do with what we had and saved money. We were comfortable but never wasted money or lived in luxury. So, now he is gone, I am ending my career, and I have the nest egg to use on my own.
I miss my husband, my best friend. I want to lean on him and tell him my fear of being alone and not having enough to do. But I remember watching many others transition to retirement. And I do recall the stress and bewilderment they faced as their daily reality shifted down to a more gentle and leisurely pace. With time, they all worked it out and found plenty of things to do and people to see. When I get overwhelmed, I think about the three things that were most important to us in our marriage: faith, hope, and love. I will lean on these three and go forward with joy and purpose.